i know this new template looks incredibly boring. i was just getting sick of the old one and wanted to change. but for the life of me i can't think up of anything remotely creative. something will come to me, eventually. hopefully. this template is too boring to keep for too long.

i feel so restless tonight. so blah. it's a friday night, and i should be taking advantage of it. i shouldn't just be sitting at home in front of this computer. but the weird thing is... i want to sit at home in front of this computer. i have no desire to go out. you could call it lack of motivation and energy, i guess. it's just that, every day this week i have been driving to Madison... to either work or see Luke. and for once i just want to stay home and not do anything... not go anywhere... just relax.

i feel like a geek for not going out on a friday night, but i don't care. it's nice for a change.

i just got off the phone with Luke. he told me he'd call me when i got home from school but he never did... so i was wondering what was up. i was a little upset, because it seemed like he just blew me off and forgot about me or something. but i called him and it turned out he was sleeping, so that's okay. sleep is good... he needs it. whenever Luke doesn't call me when he says he will, i always begin to worry. it's rare when this happens... and it's usually because he forgets. he has forgotten a couple times, and that always jabs me a bit. it just brings back old memories... about how i used to be treated by a few of the infamous asshole ex-boyfriends. i remember countless times when i was just blown off and forgotten... made me feel like shit. unimportant. so when that happens with Luke... it just makes me uneasy. i know things can't be perfect and he'll call me right on the dot every time. i respect that he doesn't have the best short-term memory. and i have faith in him... i know his true feelings for me, and i know he never intentionally wants to make me feel like that.

when Luke doesn't call, i guess i feel more worried and anxious, rather than angry. in the back of my mind... i just think... what if something happened to him? i have a big imagination and it just runs away with me. i can't help it. and then i was thinking about last night... and how bad the roads were, because it was snowing... and when i talked to Luke last night he was in his car driving. i know it's insane, but i just kept thinking about Luke getting into a terrible car accident and.....

but no... he was sleeping. everything is okay. argh, you have no idea the fear i feel in my heart when i think about anything like that happening to Luke. tonight i was just extra anxious and worried for some reason, i usually don't let my imagination get the best of me. i guess i just didn't have a lot on my mind tonight... and was thinking about that. so i had to call him and find out what was going on... or i'd just continue to worry. and then he answered the phone in that cute, sleepy voice of his... and i knew he had just woken up.

but the roads were really terrible last night. we got a few more inches of snow along with sleet and ice. i left work at around 9:30 and didn't get home until 10:30. it was awful... i can't remember the last time i had to drive in weather that bad. the roads weren't plowed yet and people were driving 15 mph in a 55. there were a couple times when i wondered if i would make it home at all... but thankfully, i did.

i hate winter. i hate cold. i was hoping they'd cancel school today. no such luck.

this week has been so long... i'm glad it's the weekend. looking like a pretty boring weekend so far, but i don't mind. it's relaxing. i'm happy that i get to sleep in tomorrow.

on thursday i had a half day of school, so afterwards i went over to Luke's. Luke had made a few appointments to look at some apartments in Madison. just for the fun of it, and to get some ideas. we ended up only looking at one... and then we decided not to worry about apartment hunting just yet. Luke's lease doesn't end until August, so that's when we can move in together... and that's still a long way away yet. so we won't really start making any decisions until June or July. and i thought that was a smart plan.

i want a new computer sooo badly. Shane is getting a brand new Gateway, and i'm so jealous. i'm so sick of this peice of crap computer that i have. i want one that actually works... with a fast internet connection, lots of space, a DVD player, and a CD burner. i drool like Homer Simpson whenever i think about it. my CD Rom is blown... i can't play any of my games. the only game that i really want to play is The Sims. i miss it... i can sit and play that game for hours and never get bored of it. i'm going through Sims withdrawl!! :(

i mentioned to my mom about getting a new computer today, and she basically just rolled her eyes at me. i guess that's not going to happen any time soon...

sigh.

it seems like there's so many things that i want, and so many things that i want to do. it makes me feel crazy sometimes because i can't have the things i want, and i can't do the things i want to do. i know someday i will... but i just want it all now.

anyway. i have a lot of random thoughts tonight. but i think i'll end this and go back to my dull, uneventfull friday night. ta ta.